NGE: The Slackers of Evangelion
by THE FAN-BOY
Summary: Inspired by the many comedy Fanfics. Shameful to read so go on and read it! The Ultimate miss-use of Anime Characters . R&R I need it. 12 october 2003 update (Tweaks and Additions).
1. Chapter 01: Shinji's Panty Fetish

Title: Neon Genesis Evangelion - The Slackers of Evangelion by FAN-BOY ^_^  
  
Inspired by The MGS2 Friends series by Skar Kjoil  
  
Disclaimer: Harmless Fanfiction - Every body does it!  
  
PG 15+ Underage viewing of Porn, Godless sneaky acts, Stupid rip offs, Pointless quotes, Characters acting out of character.  
  
Comments will help. Give me what ever is on your mind and request anything you might like to see. Bare in mind this is my first attempt so IF it sucks. help me make it not-so sucky.  
  
NOW CONTAINS CROSSOVERS  
  
Asuka (Patronizing): For you dense lead heads out there WHO don't know what SUS means, SUS = Suspicious.  
  
Asuka shakes her head.  
  
Asuka (Irritated): It's the Australian jerk who's writing this stupid FanFic. He's a lame ass who can't even be bothered to write the whole word. Idiot!  
  
Chapter 1 - Shinji's Panty Fetish  
  
Writers comments - Early stages, I'm very tired and bored. Stupid, dirty, trampy, sick things will be done in this Fanfic. You've been warned. Some Yaoi references, not many - nothing to be afraid of. And there will be some Fanboyism!  
  
2:47 AM. Misato's apartment is in darkness, only a dull light remains in the living room where shinji sits at a cluttered computer desk. Shinji sitting wide awake, his eyes glued to the computer monitor. Faint high- pitched squeals and moans came from his headphones.  
  
Shinji leaned in closer to the screen.  
  
Shinji's headphones: Ahhh! (Obvious exaggerated moaning) Ohh! No! I can resist! Its too goood. Ahh!  
  
Shinji's eyes widened.  
  
Shinji's headphones: Ahh! (Moans) Tooo goood! I-I-I think. IM-IM GONNA!!!  
  
Shinji (breathing heavily): ohhh? She really going to -  
  
On the screen in a reduced resolution was La Blue Girl being attacked by countless slimy tentacles.  
  
Shinji moved in closer, his nose almost touching the monitor screen.  
  
Shinji's headphones: (Bursts of violent horny chattering) Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! AHHH! IM-GONNA- CUMMMM!  
  
Shinji (taking a gulp of air): This was worth the 20 hours of download time on Misato's cheap 56k modem. My life is now worth living because of this.  
  
On screen Miko Mido was on the brink of orgasm when all of a sudden several ninja stars slice through the hordes of tentacles, completely interrupting what could of been the greatest moment of Shinji's life.  
  
Shinji (Gasping in disbelief): So-Pissed-off-right-now. (Shinji's right eye begins to twitch and veins start raising all of his neck and head)  
  
Shinji's headphones: (Miko Mido) Oh! Thank you Nin-nin! You saved me! Who knows what could of happened if -  
  
Shinji closes windows media player half way trough the scene. He hangs his head (Hair covering his eyes) Tears roll down his cheeks.  
  
Shinji (chokey distressed voice): Why? (Whimper) Am I so worthless you couldn't do this for me? Why Miko? Why?!  
  
Shinji decides he'll lose his load another time. The disappointment was crushing for the already depressed teen.  
  
Shinji (whisper): I better clean this up. Misato will kill me if she knew I was watching Hentai on her computer.  
  
Shinji right clicks on Misato's Hard disk drive, selects the properties drop-down then clicks on disk cleanup.  
  
You can use disk cleanup to free up to 666.50 MB of disk space on MAGI (C:)  
  
Shinji blinks to clear his eyes.  
  
Shinji (stunned): O-Kay - That isn't right. I don't understand how could of I -  
  
Shinji looks at the crotch of his black jeans - that was proof enough.  
  
Shinji (raises an eyebrow): Oh.........I see.......I think I understand now.  
  
Shinji cleared the disk then moved on to clearing Windows media player.  
  
Shinji (complaining): I wish I could find a free windows washer that isn't a timed demo.  
  
Shinji (concerned): Hmm? wonder how long I been on?  
  
Shinji checks the Connection Duration. He clicks on the AOL online clock. You have been connected for 32:59Hrs.  
  
Shinji (Disoriented): Jesus Christ! Misato is going to KILL ME!! .......... Buh! blame it on Marilyn.  
  
Shinji salutes a large poster of Marilyn Manson on the wall above the computer.  
  
Shinji (Continues): Better finish this before someone wakes up.  
  
Shinji deletes the files from the play list. Shinji in order to cover previous viewed files he opens small midi files at a fast rate.  
  
Shinji (giggles): Hehehehe - Final Fantasy VXXIII midis. Nothing SUS has taken place tonight.  
  
Continues to open FFVXXIII midis till the File menu is full of them. Hiding any evidence of Shinji's SUS habits.  
  
Shinji (Sighs): Hmm... Better go to bed................ Buh!  
  
Shinji spins around on the rotating chair in a 180 and carefully and quietly lifts out of the chair. He tiptoes over to the fridge. He pulls in open with only a small amount of rattling. Shinji gently slips out a small can from Asuka's side of the fridge.  
  
Shinji (shrugs): Eh! whatever! - Will do.  
  
Shinji brings it back into the light of the Computer monitor.  
  
Shinji (confused): Huh? ..... Red bull? So this is why she never shuts up - No wonder She's all hyped up all the time.  
  
Shinji hesitates but seconds later he cracks open the can and takes a sip.  
  
Shinji feels a Super saiyan-jin like rush of energy course through him.  
  
Shinji (excited): Hey! this stuff is great! - And it kills all those painful memories.  
  
Shinji pauses.  
  
Shinji (surprised): Oh? No, wait - There still there ...... (Still enthusiastic)  
  
Shinji alert as a koala. His head darted around as he sucked the can dry.  
  
Shinji: Hmm? wonder if Asuka is awake?  
  
Shinji tiptoes across to Asuka's room.  
  
Shinji (Whisper): I can't wake her. (Shinji farts in mid-step and giggles as he reaches Asuka's door) HELLO (Shinji waves to nobody and giggles in amusement)  
  
Shinji examines Asuka's door.  
  
Shinji (murmurs): Heh! some Wall of Jericho!  
  
Shinji slowly slides the door slightly open enough to see her bare legs dangling from her bed.  
  
Shinji pokes his head around at a different angle to see what he can see, see, see.  
  
Shinji could hear quite moans in Asuka's room. He saw one of her legs kick out.  
  
Shinji flinched.  
  
Asuka (sleep talking): Hmmm! Yeah! Toby!!  
  
Shinji (interested): Wha - Toby? Huh?  
  
Asuka (still sleep talking): Ohh!... You know? - Toby Maguire from Spider- Man. Oh! - come here you big hunk of science geek. Mmmm.  
  
Shinji (Frowns): This is fucken stupid.  
  
An idea pops into Shinji devious, dirty little mind.  
  
Shinji (Thinks): Asuka must get pretty horny. Hmm? Wonder what her panties look like after one of these godless sex dreams. (Congrats) Genius Shinji, Pure Genius - Hehehehe (wicked shinji giggle)  
  
Shinji slides Asuka's door open a little more, edging it open bit-by-bit. He then slips through the small opening he makes for himself.  
  
Shinji tiptoes to her under-wear draw.  
  
Shinji (Self-assured): Its fine - I've been obsessed with these since Ayanami.  
  
Shinji carefully pulled her draw open. It was almost to dark to see, only the faint white like from the computer monitor light a small strip across the floor and wall of Asuka's room. Shinji would have to go by feel.  
  
Shinji ran his hands through randomly picking pairs up and examining the crotch of them. He went through several pairs before getting edgy. Asuka shifted and was facing shinji directly.  
  
Sweat ran down Shinji's face.  
  
The excitement kept him frantically searching but to find nothing. No wet, stiff, not even smelly under-wear at all.  
  
Shinji (confused): This isn't right! I'm the clean one! Asuka and Misato are pigs!  
  
Shinji (Realizing): Misato too! - That's right! She would be bound to have some dirty panties! (Acknowledging) Misato is a dirty, dirty tramp. Bingo!  
  
Shinji creeps out of Asuka's room. he heads across to Misato's batchellorette pad.  
  
The door is wide open and so is Misato's legs, spread open lying on top of her bed.  
  
Shinji (drowsy): better finish off Asuka's red bull.  
  
Pepped-up again Shinji crawls in on hands and knees.  
  
Shinji (Excited and curious): I wonder how Misato sleeps like this? (Smiles) Hope she sleeps like this often then I wouldn't have to download more episodes of La Blue Girl.  
  
Misato tosses her head back lustfully frightening Shinji.  
  
Misato (sleep talking): Mmmm! H.R. (Moans) ohh. Give it too me! Mmmm!  
  
Shinji (worried): H.R.....??  
  
Misato (sleep talking): Oh! YES! Mmm.. Oh! I know why they call you ... Puff 'n' stuff........  
  
Shinji (More Frightened then before): Dirty, dirty Tramp......  
  
Shinji looks down between her legs and notices moist wet panties.  
  
Shinji (Super Excited): Oh God in Heaven. I have to take them.  
  
Shinji positioned himself over Misato's open legs. His sweat dripped on her stomach.  
  
Shinji (Panicky): Okay! Okay! (Breathe out) Okay! This wont be hard. Misato is drunker then a chip-monk on speed ....................... No - wait? That's not right.  
  
Shinji snaps back to reality.  
  
Shinji (Calm): Alright. This wont be hard. I saw Son-Goku do this with Bulma. If he can then I can - Here it goes.  
  
Shinji gently places his hands on Misato's hips and slip his fingers in either side of her panties.  
  
Shinji (calm): Okay - now easy - easy.  
  
Shinji slowly pulls Misato's panties down along her legs and over her feet. success!  
  
Shinji (congrats): Yessss! Hang-on......!!!  
  
A heavy pink glow in the dark blush flashed across Shinji's face just realizing what he was looking at.  
  
Shinji (Jittery voice): He-He-He- Mi-Mis-Misato's.......... Pussy!? ....... Hmm? A few more lumps then last time I saw it.  
  
Asuka's red bull began to ware off Shinji and he pulled his nearly asleep body off Misato's floor and quickly and as quietly as he could tippy-toe to his room.  
  
As he was crossing through the kitchen Shinji runs into a curious Pen-Pen.  
  
Shinji (struck with fear): Ghaaaahh! (Shinji muffles his mouth with his hands) Oh? Pen-Pen? What are you doing out?  
  
Pen-Pen pulls out from his back a note "Give Me My Panties back Shinji! Last warning *Love Misato"  
  
Shinji (Sighs): Dirty, Dirty tramp. 


	2. Chapter 02: Oh, Man! What a morning!

Chapter 2 - Oh, Man! What a Morning.  
  
Morning. Shinji is snoring in bed.  
  
The sound of Misato and Asuka rushing around outside in the kitchen.  
  
Misato's Voice: HEYYYYY! Shinji! Get up! You don't wanna be late for School.  
  
Shinji Flings up out of bed.  
  
Shinji (Panic): Ahh! Crap! School I forgot!............... Buh! Blame it on Marilyn.  
  
Shinji Salutes a pin-up of Marilyn Manson on his bedroom wall.  
  
A large Bang struck Shinji's door.  
  
Asuka's Voice (Aggravated): God Damn it Shinji! Wake Up you idiot! (repeats several loud bangs on the door) Get Up!  
  
Shinji Crawls out of bed.  
  
Shinji (Complaining): Awhh! I'll do it this afternoon.  
  
Shinji lays back down only on his cluttered messy floor.  
  
Shinji (Thinks): I better clean today. I've been living with them two too long.  
  
Asuka burst through the door enraged.  
  
Shinji sits up in a flash but with a PSM issue stuck to his cheek with Yuna (FFX-2) on the cover.  
  
Shinji (Anxious): Ah! Asuka? I was - Ummm - Just -  
  
Asuka (Fuming): Oh! Your Such a Pervert! (Snarls)  
  
Shinji watches Asuka storm out.  
  
Asuka's voice: I cant believe him!!  
  
Shinji Groans.  
  
Shinji (Complains): Why does she get so pissed off. Its so stupid.  
  
Misato steps in wearing her T-shirt and Cut-offs.  
  
Misato (Sensitive): It bothers you doesn't it?  
  
Shinji (Answers): It does.  
  
Misato (Scowl): Tell you what bothers me?  
  
Shinji: What?  
  
Misato (Suspicious): the Mountain of my panties under your bed.  
  
Shinji turns his head in embarrassment.  
  
Misato (Irritated): I want them back! Shinji. You stole my only pair left last night!  
  
Shinji sighs. He can no longer look Misato in the eyes now.  
  
Shinji peals the PSM and crawls under his bed to drag out the mass molded pile of Misato's stuck together panties.  
  
Misato slightly embarrassed.  
  
Misato (Humiliated): Heh - that's - a few.  
  
Shinji (replying): Yeah, 4 months, 5 days and 7 hrs worth of collecting.  
  
Misato stood there silent for a moment.  
  
Misato: Your sick shinji.  
  
Shinji points to the Marilyn Manson Poster.  
  
Misato (Understanding): Oh.......  
  
Shinji drags the slimy pile of under-wear across the floor and over a pointless power extension lead.  
  
Instantly shinji is electrified and launched back into the wall behind him.  
  
Misato (Traumatized): Ah! Shinji are you alright! (runs to his aid)  
  
Shinji craddled a shoulder. but only looked shaken by the expirence.  
  
Shinji (Agonizingly): Im-Im alright Misato. (shakes)  
  
Misato Examines Shinji's face when there is a haunting hiss from behind.  
  
Misato spins around and shinji looks up to see a beastly formation of clutter mostly composed of Misato's dirty panties, PSM mags, Shinji's Favorite KoRn T-shirt.  
  
Shinji (Complains): Ah crap! Not my Favorite KoRn T-shirt!  
  
And Red bull cans for limbs, with an extension cord for a tail.  
  
Shinji (Panics): ITS-ITS-ITS AN ANGEL!  
  
Misato (Slaps Shinji): Don't be a fool! Its a ClutterMon. These are Rare.  
  
Multi-color dots speed past Misato in the backdrop.  
  
Misato whips out a Poke Ball from inside her Cut-Offs.  
  
Shinji eyes widen.  
  
Shinji (Surprised): Wow! That was COOL!  
  
Misato (Lines up a throw): GO POKEBALL!  
  
Misato throws it with unbelievable speed straight into Pen-Pen.  
  
The Poke Ball strikes down and in a red flashing beam sucks Pen-Pen in.  
  
Misato stood stunned.  
  
Shinji (Puzzled): Errrh - I didn't know Pen-Pen was a Pokemon.  
  
The Cluttermon shrieks in fear and scuttles off in a mad panic.  
  
Misato Chases it.  
  
Misato (Furious): Get Back Here!  
  
Misato races out of the room passing the rocking Poke Ball Pen-Pen is in.  
  
Shinji (Sighs): Dang! Now I can't steal them back. (Sigh heavily) Life's a Drag.  
  
Shinji Cautiously steps out of his room. Sounds of Misato yelling orders.  
  
Misato voice (Demanding): Attack Attack! (Brief pause) NOOO!  
  
Asuka voice (Complains): What smells like -  
  
Shinji slinks along the wall and sees Misato sitting at the kitchen table with the Cluttermon who was disguised in a coat, sunglasses, and hat and Asuka, who is trying to ignore them as she eats her Kellogg's breakfast cerial.  
  
Misato (Slap her hand down on the table): HAH! TAKE THAT!  
  
Shinji (Puzzled): Wha-Whats going on here? What happened to catching it?  
  
Misato (Shrugs): He challenged me to a Game of Duel monsters. I couldn't say "No". Not with the Cards Kaji gave me!  
  
Asuka (Snickers): How did he give them to you?  
  
Misato (Replied): He stuck them up my - .................... Never mind!  
  
Asuka whispers to Shinji while Misato Duels.  
  
Asuka (Whisper): Kaji only gives gifts if he puts them in our -  
  
Shinji (Interrupts): (Speaking under Misato's loud voice) What? How would you know that?  
  
Asuka (Smirks): 'Cause I know from experience. That's why.  
  
Shinji (Disbelief): No you don't.  
  
Asuka: Well.... I saw him and Misato do-.  
  
Shinji (Disbelief): No you didn't  
  
Asuka (Annoyed): Fine! I didn't ask you to believe me anyway!  
  
Misato cheers in the background.  
  
Shinji: You know Kaji faked his death so he could get away from both you and Misato.  
  
Room went silent.  
  
Asuka, Misato and Clutter were staring at Shinji.  
  
Shinji's cell Phone is heard ringing in Shinji's room breaking the silence.  
  
Shinji (Stepping back): Heheh.. I was-Kidding! heheh. Phone is ringing - So - I'll just -  
  
Shinji nervously steps back down the hall into his room.  
  
Shinji answers the phone.  
  
Phone (Toji's voice): Hey Man! Hurry up! - We were gonna raid the Girls change room before school gets started! Whats keeping you?  
  
Shinji (Answers): Well. things haven't exactly gone to plan this morning.  
  
Phone (Toji): Another Clutter?  
  
Shinji (Answers): Yeah. Only this one is made up of Misato's Panties.  
  
Phone (Toji): Were they Wet?  
  
Shinji (Nods): Yeah, Very wet.  
  
Phone (Toji): Tough break man - But! Hurry Up! Its nearly the Next Chapter!  
  
Shinji (Answers): Oh! Right! - Let me change my panties and I'll be right there!  
  
Shinji hangs up.  
  
Toji (Baffled): His Panties? 


	3. Chapter 03: Gonna Be One of Those Days

Chapter 3 - Gonna Be One of Those Days.  
  
The Sound of Asuka leave as Shinji sits down at the break fast table.  
  
Misato sits with her legs crossed and a pissed off look on her face.  
  
Shinji (Cautiously asks): What happened? where'd clutter go?  
  
Misato (sighs): He's in my Room.  
  
Shinji: Why?  
  
Misato (sigh heavily): The Duel was fierce but he proved to be the better dueler.  
  
Shinji (confused): You lost? So what? you lose all the time.  
  
Misato: Yeah but I have to sleep with it now because I bet him "IF YOU lose, you do all the house work and IF I lose you can - say - sleep with me?"  
  
Shinji (interested): Hmmm? really?  
  
Misato (Irate): SHINJI! (Sighs) ........ Guess I didn't believe in the heart of the cards, huh?  
  
Shinji Shakes his head and grabs his backpack on the way to the door forgetting about breakfast.  
  
Misato (drops her head into her hands): Maybe it wont be so bad. After all he's mostly made up of my dirty panties.  
  
Shinji gets a glimpse through Misato's door. Inside he can see clutter with a baseball bat protruding from the mass of its body.  
  
Shinji (shakes head): Damn! Wonder if Naota wanted that back?  
  
Shinji sneaks out of Misato's apartment.  
  
As shinji is walking down the corridor from the Apartment the sound of Misato's voice echoes.  
  
Misato's voice (shouted): Holy Fuck! NOOOOO!  
  
Shinji (Shakes head): Dirty, dirty tramp.  
  
Shinji made his way to the ground floor of the apartment complex.  
  
He pulled his bike out of the from the row of parked bikes and got on.  
  
Riding along the sidewalk Shinji slows down when he sees Rei further on ahead.  
  
Shinji (calling out): Hey! Ayanami!  
  
Rei stops and turns for a brief moment then continues walking.  
  
Shinji catches up to her on his bike.  
  
Shinji (greeting): Ayanami - ummm - Do you have to time?  
  
Shinji making conversation.  
  
Rei (Emotionless): No.  
  
Shinji: Oh, would you know what date it is today?  
  
Rei (Answers): Monday, April 21, 2015.  
  
Shinji (Thinks): Oh Hellsing will be on tonight! I can't believe they delayed airing Hellsing Last week.  
  
Rei (confused): What are you talking about? You do remember Day light savings ended sometime ago.  
  
Shinji (Checks watch): What? 12:47AM. that's not right.  
  
Rei (Emotionless but amused): No. it isn't.  
  
Both of them stop at a set of streetlights waiting for them to indicate a safe crossing.  
  
Behind them walked passed another Rei.  
  
Finally Rei and Shinji arrived at Class A-2  
  
Students were still coming into class but Toji and Kensuke waiting outside.  
  
Kensuke with camcorder in hand.  
  
Shinji breaks away from Rei and slinks over to the guys outside the door.  
  
Toji (Impatient): What kept you!  
  
Shinji (Replies): One of those Mornings.  
  
Kensuke (Worried): Guys! (checks watch) We're got like less then five minutes.  
  
Rei and Asuka are keeping an eye on the boys when they all nod and walk off down the corridor.  
  
Asuka (Thinks): What?! Where do they think they're going!?  
  
Walking down the corridor the boys build their confidence.  
  
The boys enter the girls change room. The walls were slightly moist from then steamy showers.  
  
The boys heard some movement deeper in the change room. Slight rattling and whispers was heard from behind a row of lockers.  
  
Toji (Quiets the two shaking boys): Shhhh.. (Whisper) It might be some girls..  
  
Shinji (Ponders): A spontaneous Lesbian Orgy?  
  
The Boys eyes light up.  
  
They push themselves up against the lockers slid across them. Shinji was in front.  
  
He peaked around the corner.  
  
Shinji (Gasp): Nooo! NOOOO!  
  
Toji and Kensuke leap around the corner only to have their sexuality shell- shocked.  
  
Kaoru and the Gundam Wing boys were changing.  
  
Toji (Confused): What! What the Hell are you guys doing in here?  
  
Kaoru (Charming): We always come here to change, 4th Child.  
  
Shinji (Disorientated): No! I wont believe it! It's a Lie! You! You betrayed me! You betrayed the Trust I placed in YOU! You Betrayed me just like my Father Did!  
  
Kensuke (Puzzled): Your Dads Gay, Shinji?  
  
In the background the Gundam Wing Boys are now clothed.  
  
They sit in suggestive positions, laying and holding each other.  
  
Shinji (Disorientated): I Don't know! I Don't even know him! (Calm) although that would explain a few things.  
  
Kensuke (Alarmed): Ugh! Guys? Maybe we should abort our mission. I don't want to record these guys.  
  
Kaoru: May I make a notion to join forces? Otherwise we may never get to see a Schoolgirls change room orgy.  
  
Toji (Confused): Hey? I thought you guys were Gay?  
  
Kaoru (Charismatic): The manipulation through deception.  
  
Duo stands up and wraps an arm around Kaoru.  
  
Duo: Heheh! I might look like a girl.. But.  
  
Toji (Interrupts): Oh Jesus! You're a GUY! .. I was writing anonymous Love letter to you!  
  
Duo (Astounded): That was you?  
  
Shinji and Kensuke move slightly away from Toji.  
  
Toji (Panic): No! No! Its not like that! I didn't know! I Didn't Know!  
  
Kensuke (Raised eyebrow): I always wondered why you didn't want to be the Class Reps. Boy friend.  
  
Trowa stamps the floor getting their attention.  
  
Trowa (Passive aggressive): Its Time you boys shut up. We've been planning this for sometime . All the girls think we're Gay. Don't think about how we convinced them.  
  
Shinji cringes.  
  
Shinji (Puzzled): But. Kaoru? Aren't you you - I mean. you were coming onto me.  
  
Kaoru (Charismatic): A deception, for your own protection.  
  
Shinji (Confused): Were have I heard that before? - Well this means your straight..?  
  
Kaoru (Charming): I swing both ways.  
  
Gundam Boys cringe.  
  
Heero (Fuming): Why didn't you inform us on that, Kaoru!  
  
Kaoru (Shrugs): Honestly I thought you Lilin you're the same.  
  
Duo (Annoyed): Oh Great! Here he goes with the Lilin junk.  
  
Shinji (Bothered): Kaoru, your no different from us. Fundamentally you're the same creature as us.  
  
Kaoru (Polite): Indeed but I can destroy the human race.  
  
All the boys: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT KAORU!  
  
Kaoru (Shrugs): Fine, Fine.  
  
Kensuke (Anxious): Guys, I don't want to alarm you! BUT! It is P.E day for our grade.  
  
The Boys hear the school bell then a rush of footsteps coming up the corridor.  
  
The Boys panic!  
  
Shinji (Panic): WE MUST RUN AWAY!  
  
Wufei stands up swinging his coat over his shoulder.  
  
Wufei (Cool & in control): Don't be a fool, they will Kung Fu our asses if they see us leave here.  
  
Trowa (Calm): What do you suggest?  
  
The roaring Footsteps become loader.  
  
Shinji, Toji & Kensuke run around frantically.  
  
Quatre (Straightening his vest): Perhaps we should find a place to hide.  
  
Wufei Steps into a Kung Fu stance.  
  
Wufei (Heroically): No! We stay and Fight!  
  
Kaoru (Confident): Farewell Lilin perverts.  
  
Kaoru glows white and floats into the air and hovers out the window.  
  
All the Boys: Asshole  
  
Kensuke (Disappointed): Wish I was an Angel right now.  
  
The Footstep create a tremor the door begins to rattle.  
  
Trowa eyes the door.  
  
Heero dives across the room locking to entrance door as he lands.  
  
Duo (Relieved): That's should hold them off for a while!!  
  
Duo & Quatre notice several girls P.E uniforms on the bench then look at each other and nod.  
  
Duo calls out for the others attention.  
  
Duo: Guys! I got an idea!  
  
A loud crashing thud of girls running into the door at the entrance then stops. The door flexes and shakes violently.  
  
Zombie groans are heard behind the rattling door.  
  
Zombies: Boyyysss! Arhh! Mmmhh! Boysss! Rhh!  
  
The Boys pause in fear.  
  
Nadesico Narrator (Excitement): Oh No! Are the Eva children and Gundam Boys Doomed to the horrors of the Zombie School girls hungry for boys? Will Boys actually remember to put Kensuke's Camera to good use? And what does Duo & Quatre have planned?!  
  
DragonBall Z Narrator: Find out Next time! ON NGE! .. The Slackers of Eva! 


	4. Chapter 04: Escape from Zombie Girl chan...

Chapter 4 - Escape from Zombie Girl change room.  
  
A loud crashing thud of girls running into the door at the entrance then stops. The door flexes and shakes violently, zombie groans are heard behind the rattling door.  
  
Zombies: Boyyysss! Arhh! Mmmhh! Boysss! Rhh!  
  
The Boys pause in fear facing the door.  
  
Toji (Panic): Kensuke! Quick set up the Camera! Hurry!  
  
Kensuke (Indecisive): ... Ugh! Right!  
  
Kensuke scans the room around with his eyes and spots a likely placement for the camera.  
  
He skips up atop a bench and positions his Camera on top of a Locker at an angle facing between the Showers and the crumbling door.  
  
The Boys prepare for the worst.  
  
Duo (Alerts): You Guys! We might still have a chance!  
  
Duo & Quatre hold up pieces of the Girls P.E uniforms.  
  
Toji (Panicky): Are you KIDDING! That's not gonna work! Not for me anyway!  
  
Quatre (Distraught): We don't have much choice! Its better then being discovered!  
  
Heero (Annoyed): I've done some shameful things. But none as.  
  
Trowa (Interrupts): If we want to live . (Sigh) This is what we must do.  
  
The hinges begin to break from the supports.  
  
The boys hesitate but quickly comply with Duo & Quatre's plan.  
  
Toji (Bothered): Man! Duo and Quatre will pass for girls. but what about us manly looking guys!?  
  
The Boys are whipping off their clothes and examining the small tight garments they must disguise in.  
  
Heero jams open a random locker discovering make-up and hair care products.  
  
Heero (Congrats): Great! (Calls the other boys attention) Come here! I've got some more disguises!  
  
The boys finish up putting on their feminine concealments. The Boys look at each other suspiciously then run over to Heero collecting make-up.  
  
Trowa comes out from behind a locker with hand fulls of small gym balls.  
  
Trowa (Enlighten): I've got these balls we can stuff the chests of our uniforms with.  
  
The Boys stand silently awkwardly staring at him.  
  
Trowa (Embarrassed): We want to look like girls don't we?  
  
A loud creek and breaking noise then a heavy Bang interrupts them!  
  
The boys hide behind a row of lockers, they could hear groans and sniffing noises entering the change room.  
  
Shinji frantically grabs several make-up products from Heero. The rest of the boys immediately do the same.  
  
The boys roughly put make-up on each other.  
  
A Roar by who sounded somewhat like Rei.  
  
Rei Zombie (Growl): *Sniff *Sniff - Hmm? Smells like.. Ikari *Sniff..  
  
Shinji (Eyes bulge): Shit!  
  
Toji (Suspicious): What did She say?  
  
Shinji: Ugh?.. Never mind..  
  
The Boys finish putting make-up on each other and tie their hair.  
  
The sound of dragging feet, zombie groans and sniffing grows loud as the Girls approach.  
  
Toji & Kensuke tremble in fear while Shinji clenches his right hand.  
  
The Gundam Boys sit seriously against the back of the lockers.  
  
Heero (Fearlessly Whispers): I'll count down from five, when I say "One" That's when you take 'em on!  
  
Heero (Counting down):  
  
5  
  
4  
  
3   
  
2  
  
1  
  
GO!  
  
The boys step out embarrassed wearing make-up and tight t-shirts.  
  
Zombie Girls (Flabbergasted): Uh?.. Not boys!?  
  
The Girls shake their heads and snap out of it.  
  
Rei (Suspicious): Identify Yourselves!  
  
The Boys hesitated.  
  
Duo steps out and clears his voice.  
  
Duo (Girlish impression) *Cough - H-Hi! ^_^  
  
The Girls raise an Eyebrow each.  
  
Asuka breaks through to the front of the crowd.  
  
Asuka (Annoyed): HEY! What's going on here! (Asuka notices the motley group of girl wannabes) And WHO do WE have here? (Inquisitive)  
  
Duo (High Breaking voice): Hi - Im Duoette Maxwelluar. Im new here and so are my spunky girl friends.  
  
Asuka looks over the crew.  
  
Shinji stood dandily holding his hands behind is back, Shinji had lipstick and eye shadow.  
  
Toji was looking at the ground hoping no body would recognise his face or hairy legs.  
  
Kensuke nervously strikes a sexy pose, his hair was slicked back and was wearing so much foundation that his face was a completely different colour to the rest of his skin.  
  
Heero stood in a muscular pose with his arms crossed with pig-tales on ether side of his head.  
  
Duo was acting natural as he is naturally feminine.  
  
Quatre is the same only holding a rose in his teeth.  
  
Wufei was in a Kung Fu stance.  
  
And Trowa was playing a violin.  
  
Everyone was staring at the oblivious Trowa.  
  
Trowa (Humiliated): *Cough - (Girlish voice) Erh? What?  
  
Hikari moves to the front of the crowd.  
  
Hikari (Authority): Okay Okay! Everyone! Whats the hold up?  
  
Hikari eyes are instantly drawn straight to Toji.  
  
Hikari (Alarmed): Oh My God! TOJI! What ARE -  
  
Wufei & Heero Nod to each other.  
  
Asuka (Realising): And that's Shinji there. All three stooges are here.  
  
Numerous girls ready themselves for a fight.  
  
Rei (Confused): Why are you here Ikari?  
  
The boys nervously stand silent.  
  
Asuka (Self-confident): You Boys are going to pay for hold up our class lesson and impersonating girls so you can jerk off while you watch us change!  
  
Wufei turns to the Eva children.  
  
Wufei (Courageously): Its Time!  
  
Kensuke (Confused): For what?  
  
Shinji (Nervous): To Run Away?  
  
Trowa (Confident): That's right!  
  
Heero (Fearless): Lets get out of here!  
  
The Gundam all simultaneously throw their fists into the air standing in a Mighty Morphing Power Rangers group Formation, while still wearing the stolen Girls P.E Uniforms.  
  
The Eva Children sigh in disgust.  
  
Wufei, Trowa and Heero lunge forward, foot-sweeping groups of girls at a time.  
  
Asuka & Rei evade their attacks.  
  
Wufei (Congrats): I am too skilled for your pathetic containment.  
  
Rei dodge rolls past Heero.  
  
Masses of girl's unconscious bodies flip and crashed in all directions.  
  
Trowa & Heero (Battle cry): BANZAI!  
  
Both the attacking Gundam Boys double-team, each smashing a fist into each of Hikari's breasts. Consequently knocking her back into a group of girls causing them to tumble over.  
  
Quatre (Shrieks): Looks a clear bath!  
  
Rei & Asuka set their sights on attacking the Shinji girl.  
  
Duo (Jumps into Action): C'mon! Lets go!  
  
The Eva boys Agree and follow the Gundam boys to the Exit.  
  
Asuka leaps out thrusting her foot into Wufei.  
  
Wufei is launched back into a row of lockers almost tilting them over.  
  
Wufei immediately steps back into a ready stance.  
  
Rei drops into the escaping Boys path.  
  
Rei readies herself in a karate stance. She clenches and tenses her body.  
  
The Boys halt, running into each other.  
  
Rei begins to power up.  
  
Rei (Suppressing kia): HiiiiYahhhhh!  
  
The ground rumbles. Rei's hair spikes up, her chi forcing objects to lift from the ground.  
  
The Boys tremble in fear.  
  
In the Background Asuka & Wufei are fiercely fighting.  
  
Asuka punches come into contact with many of the objects surrounding her but Wufei manages to evade most of her attacks.  
  
Asuka (Extremely aggravated): Grrhh! (Calm) Hey! Hold still will ya!?  
  
Wufei (Sarcastically): Yeah. Why didn't I think of that.  
  
Asuka from the corner of her eye notices several wet towels hanging over a bench.  
  
She quickly grabs one.  
  
To Asuka & Wufei's surprise the towel flips up and talks.  
  
Towely (Stoned): Hey? What's going on?  
  
Wufei (Self-confident): I can still win. Even with the odds against me!  
  
Towely (Stoned): Wanna Get High?  
  
Annoying Nadesico Narrator: Oh NO! The Boys are fighting for their freedom to escape the frisky hordes of girls. While Wufei battles Mortal Kombat style with Asuka the rest of the boys are discovering Rei's hidden Saiyan Powers.  
  
DBZ Narrator: Read Next chapter for the out come of this fierce battle of Boys Vs. Girl insanity. Next Time on NGE - The Slackers of Evangelion.!!  
  
Misato (sexy Fan service Voice): Hey! You boys Don't for get to check out the MP3 songs mentioned in the Fan Fiction in order to experience this fiction to its fullest. And Don't forget to Check out some HOT news on the Renewal of Evangelion at www.Gainax.co.jp and www.Evanglion.co.jp .. Seeya!  
  
Shinji (Excited): And don't forget to check out www.MarilynManson.com for updates on the Bands latest release 'The Golden Age of Grotesque'. See you soon! 


	5. Chapter 05: Mega Kung Fu Powerpuff Boys

Chapter 5 - Mega Kung Fu Powerpuff Boys!  
  
Writers comments - 5th Chapter! My God I didn't think I'd get this far! Look out for plenty of Fanboy junk! Its going to get a lot stupider from here, so Prepare yourself. The mind works in mysterious ways when your 16.  
  
Asuka from the corner of her eye notices a wet several wet towels hanging over a bench.  
  
She quickly grabs one.  
  
To Asuka & Wufei's surprise the towel flips up and talks.  
  
Towely (Stoned): Hey? What's going on?  
  
Wufei (Self-confident): I can still win. Even with the odds against me!  
  
Towely (Stoned): Wanna Get High?  
  
Asuka and Wufei are alarmed by a massive shudder in the ground. Asuka drops Towely.  
  
Towely runs off into a locker in a mad panic rendering him unconscious as well.  
  
Wufei & Asuka stand absolutely stunned and somewhat amused by Towelys stupidity.  
  
They look to the door way where Rei is Powering up to Super-Saiyan.  
  
Rei (Powering up): Rhhhh! RGHAAAAAAH!  
  
In a blinding golden flash Rei's gold hair is standing on end blowing in an upward direction.  
  
Heero (Cowardly): Oh God! We're doomed! It's a Super-Saiyan!  
  
Trowa grabs Heero by the collar and shakes him violently.  
  
Trowa (Aggravated): (Irish accent) pull yourself together Man!  
  
Duo steps between them.  
  
Duo (Irish accent): I luv ya. Alwaz have.  
  
The boys giggle in amusement.  
  
Heero (Irish accent): Aye! I'm Givernet all I got Capt'in.  
  
The boys giggle once again. Rei's tremendous power level continues to grow while the boys' nano-attention spans kick in.  
  
The Eva children shake their heads in disgust.  
  
Toji moves off screen.  
  
An aggravated battle cry from Asuka is heard in the back round.  
  
Kensuke (Anxious): Ah? Guys BUT SS-J Rei is about to kick our ill-fated Asses!!  
  
Kensuke faces the Powering up Rei just witnessing her skirt fly up in the gust of Chi.  
  
In embarrassment Kensuke spins around facing his back to Rei only to see the remainder of the Gundam Boys sitting down eating Popcorn watching and cheering on the Wufei and Asuka clash.  
  
The Gundam Boys (Excited): Yeah! Kick Wufei's ass!  
C'mon! Waste Wufei!  
Noo! Wufei is winning!  
I believe in you Asuka!  
  
The Eva child somewhat confused.  
  
Shinji (Troubled): Umm? Isn't he an ally of yours? Why do you want him to be beaten?  
  
The Gundam boys turn their heads in shock.  
  
By this time Rei is standing there with her arms folded and taping her foot unamused.  
  
Duo (Explaining): Don't you know? It's rather obvious. If Wufei beats Asuka, he'll feel her up. Then brag endlessly about it.  
  
Toji (Exaggerating): Yo! Dudes I just felt up a ton of girls in that unconscious pile of them over there!  
  
The boys shake their heads.  
  
Kensuke (Unamused): ....Typical  
  
Shinji (Agreeing): Yeah.. I know what you mean.  
  
Duo (Acknowledging): You find it annoying as well?  
  
Shinji (Shaking his head): No... I was agreeing with Toji. I was feeling Hikari's breast while nobody was looking.  
  
Hikari (Groans): Awh! Why'd you stop Shi -  
  
Shinji immediately throws a locker over her knocking her unconscious once again.  
  
Toji & Kensuke shift back in disgust.  
  
Kensuke (sickened): Eww! The class Rep.!  
  
Toji (protective): Hey! Hands off Shinji!  
  
Shinji (Arguing): Toji! But you're not even interested in her!  
  
Toji (Arguing): Says Who!?  
  
Trowa (Bothered): Shut your pie holes losers! I'm trying to watch the fight!  
  
Toji forgets what he was just arguing about and is immediately interested in the fight.  
  
Toji (Interested): So hows it going so far?  
  
Quatre slides a packet of Popcorn between him and Toji.  
  
Quatre (whispering): Wufei is much to fast for Asuka but Asuka has got a few good punches in.  
  
Duo & Heero cheer as Asuka kicks Wufei in his Man-hood.  
  
Toji (Baffled): Hmm? Wufei doesn't look phased by that.  
  
Quatre (Concerned): Oh he would be.... He cries on the inside.  
  
Wufei (Thinks): Mmmm (Aroused) She sure has pretty feet.  
  
Rei stands at the door still completely unnoticed.  
  
Rei (Annoyed): (Clears throat) Excuse me? But I must kick your ill-fated Asses.  
  
The boys get chills up their spines and slowly turn their heads towards Rei.  
  
The whole Group of boys face towards Rei instantly noticing that her chi is blowing her skirt up.  
  
At that moment they all get simultaneously get nosebleeds. Except for Kensuke who was checking his watch at the time.  
  
The Boys quickly wipe the blood from their noses in embarrassment. Toji looks up in absolute Terror.  
  
Toji (Horror): Shinji.. Do you see what I see?  
  
Shinji (Hypnotised): Yeah.... Rei's panties...  
  
Toji Slaps Shinji over the head.  
  
Toji (Aggravated): No! I meant did you just see you life flash before you eyes?!  
  
Shinji gazes into space and fades into flashbacks.  
  
Shinji's past revisited .. again:  
  
FLASH  
  
Infant Shinji Giggling.  
  
Infant Shinji (Excited): Look mother! Mother? Mom? I can't see you?  
  
An image of a distorted Yui kneeling down.  
  
Yui (Motherly): Don't worry sweet pee once you have corrective vision surgery you'll be able to see me clearly.  
  
FLASH  
  
Shinji as a child stands crying at the train station.  
  
Young Shinji (Sobbing): Whaaaah! Where's my GAT-X303 Gundam Toy!  
  
FLASH  
  
All is in darkness then suddenly the beam of a spot light pieces it, startlingly revealing Unit 01's armoured mask.  
  
Shinji is startled but quickly snaps to it.  
  
Shinji (Confused): No! This isn't the way it happens! Everybody knows Giant Robot Anime goes like this! Mech Falls from sky! Boy stumbles into Mech "accidentally" Boy Pilots Mech to save his sorry ass. Boy saves sweet teenage babe!  
And Boy fights war and saves the world!  
  
Gendo appears from the shadows of the command desk above.  
  
Shinji (Refusing): I'm Sorry I can't do this! It's so uncool! (Disappointed) Why can't this be more like Zone of the Enders?  
  
Gendo (Deep voice in a dark manner): So You won't do it?  
  
Shinji (Depressingly Disappointed): No! How could you! First you kick me out! Then you steal my BetterMan Doujin! Then you call be back to pilot this scrawny Mech! No way!  
  
Gendo (Sinister): You disappoint me.. Nerv may be the secrect agency developing the E-Project.. But we are also the proud production studio of some very nasty Hentai titles.  
  
Shinji looks up in excitement.  
  
Shinji (Partially Convinced): There any sweet teenage girls?  
  
Gendo snaps his fingers.  
  
Immediately after that instant rolls out a bed with a blue haired girl draped across it seductively.  
  
Shinji eyes bulge.  
  
Shinji (Excited): I'll do it!  
  
FLASH  
  
Shinji returns back to reality.... once again.  
  
Shinji begins to feel an increasingly pain sensation in his face. He then realises Rei is effortless pounding his face into a closed locker.  
  
The Gundam boy, Toji and Kensuke and all the now conscious girls are all at a stand still as they watch Rei brutally beat the LCL out of Shinji.  
  
Shinji (Waling in pain): Oh! This is the worst pain ever! Oww! Owww! Ayanami! Why are you doing this!?  
  
Rei (Demanding): Say my name bitch! What's my name!  
  
Everybody stands absolutely astounded.  
  
Duo (Aroused): Wow! She is so hot when she dominates.  
  
Rei notices this, embarrassed she drops Shinji on his head.  
  
The sound of a gong is heard in the background.  
  
Everyone immediately turns their heads to see.  
  
Asuka emerges from behind a row of lockers dragging behind her is Wufei by his ponytail.  
  
The Gundam boys stand there astonished.  
  
Trowa (Unconvinced): How? How is this possible!?  
  
Asuka releases her grasp on Wufei's ponytail, his head hits the ground and bounces back up once.  
  
Asuka with a devilish grin on her face.  
  
Asuka (bigheaded): Lets just say I flashed a certain something which blinded him temporarily, giving me the upper hand in the matter.  
  
A desperate mumble is heard from Wufei.  
  
Wufei (Painfully distressed): I've never seen .. Anything So. Frightening .. In all my - ..  
  
Wufei desperately reaches out for aid but suddenly passes out.  
  
Quatre (Endraged): What did you do to him! You Monster!  
  
Shinji pulls himself up to his feet.  
  
Shinji (Exerting the remainder of his strength): Asuka's naughty bits are pretty scary. I myself have seen th -  
  
From off screen a shoe is catapulted into Shinji's skull rendering his unconscious.. Yet again.  
  
An infuriated Hikari is heard.  
  
Hikari (Totally peeved): Shinji! How could you! I though you and I were -  
  
Everyone (interrupting): LOVERS??  
  
Hikari (Correcting them): No! I though we agreed that we would stop talking about how messed up Asuka's naughty bits are and just forget it.  
  
Misato (Sexy): While you wait for updates on the current and previous chapters feel free to drop us a Review, giving us ideas and your own personal comments. Buh-Bye!! *kiss  
  
Rei wearing bikini and cats ears.  
  
Rei (Quiet but seductive): And if you wish to read about me wearing a swimsuit and cats ears in later chapters VOTE YES or NO in the Review section.  
  
Rei *winks seductively.  
  
Sorry! More Coming SOON Back @ school now! Got lots of Homework! Will update when I can! Promise!  
  
STILL WORKING ON IT! -_-' *sigh 


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